I'm going on an Adventure!

Good heavens, that's a lot of views. Or probably not but it feels like it to me. Goodness.

Well, my final for the first monologue is tomorrow. I'm freaking out because holy crap. Even though I know I shouldn't because compared to the first preview, I'm leaps and bounds away from where I was. As in I'm amazed that I've done so much in the past two weeks or so. But at the same time, I feel like a turning point is looming and ready to smack me in the face. And it's completely terrifying. But as my acting professor said, "Your fear is a manifestation of your passion." So if it is, holy crap that is some intense passion. If it weren't mine, I'd almost be concerned. But I'm excited and terrified and it's resulting in a very heady emotional blend. I do not recommend it for daily consumption. But at the same time, why shouldn't we all live that way? Where what we do is terrifying and absolutely brilliant at the same time? Where we feel like a better person because of what we do?
Because I know I do. I admit my "daddy" problems fairly easily and I think because of that, people don't get how deep and swift the hurt goes. As the saying says, "still waters run deep". I also don't shy away from the other one too much even though that one I do tend to wrap up and bury it because it's ridiculous. It doesn't make sense logically.
But the point of this is to not blab about my issues (of which I feel that there are many). The point of that was to say that acting is helping me to work through it a little and let me admit that it hurts. Because it does. And not admitting it means that I'm not acknowledging it which is worse. Acting (specifically learning how to be a true version of myself) is helping me to be a better me. I'm still damaged, but that doesn't mean that I'm not of infinite worth. Because I am and I defy anyone who says otherwise.

But in other news, this monologue that has become incredibly personal to me is going to be my audition piece for a play. Tonight. And it's a little intimidating that I'm going to be revealing so much to complete strangers who are going to be focused solely on me. But I can do this. I might fall into a puddle of nerves afterwards, but I can do it.