This will be short. I'm almost done with high school and I'm staring at a precipice. Keeping my feet on the ground would be the practical decision and probably the one that my family would prefer, especially my father. But at the same time... There can be no big rewards without big risk. That's one of the mantras of Vegas and really it's time that I embraced that. I'm from Idaho, the state that probably couldn't be more practical if it tried. Seriously, the city that I grew up in until I moved here was originally called "Eagle Rock" because when the early settlers showed up to settle the region, there was an eagle on a rock. Now, it's called Idaho Falls because...there are falls from the Snake River that runs right through the middle of the city and it's in Idaho. Seriously, it couldn't be more practical if it tried.
Anyway, I'm not a Vegas girl. But I've picked up a few Vegas traits. This puts me in a bit of an awkward position. But I don't think I can be completely practical anymore. I need to take some risks. And this will probably be the biggest one I will ever take in my life.
Monday, May 26, 2014
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Time and Time Lord wait for no man
I've found the right pressure to perform. In tennis, I always play best when the odds are against me and I have a reason to win other than for myself. That's always been my thing. I don't know why.
This would be a problem for acting because I would be performing for myself. I'm self-sacrificing, which is why I have some problems with tennis because unless I have something other than myself to play for, I don't have as much fight. Don't get me wrong, I still have more fight than the average person (just ask me how many times I've thrown myself into fences trying to get the ball). But it's just not what I'm used to. When I play for my team and for my school, that's when I have emotions and that's when I will break myself trying to win.
I didn't have a reason other than me for acting. Or at least I didn't think I did. Today, my mom got a phone call from her youngest sister that had me feeling a little ashamed for myself. I'm really close to one of my cousin, who is seven years younger. She has a really bad case of scoliosis. It's not like I'd forgotten because who could forget that? I'd just gotten used to it. We've all known that she has to have surgery for it because it is so bad. Her surgery has been delayed for I think five years? Four years? I've lost track of how long and that makes me feel like a terrible cousin. First it was they didn't want to do it because children under the age of twelve don't wake up about half the time from the anaesthesia. That I agree with. That is an excellent reason. Now that she's getting old enough to get ready for the surgery, now they want her to grow some because they have to fuse the vertebrae in her back where the curvature is and add a rod and she won't grow anymore after it. So, naturally, they want her to grow another foot. The problem is her spine is starting to twist. So it's a race against time basically. Regardless of when she gets this surgery, she has to have another between 22-25 to plate the rod into her spine. That gives me at least ten years to get a nice solid career and a reason to have one that fast. I owe it to my aunt and I owe it to my cousin.
I do love a challenge.
This would be a problem for acting because I would be performing for myself. I'm self-sacrificing, which is why I have some problems with tennis because unless I have something other than myself to play for, I don't have as much fight. Don't get me wrong, I still have more fight than the average person (just ask me how many times I've thrown myself into fences trying to get the ball). But it's just not what I'm used to. When I play for my team and for my school, that's when I have emotions and that's when I will break myself trying to win.
I didn't have a reason other than me for acting. Or at least I didn't think I did. Today, my mom got a phone call from her youngest sister that had me feeling a little ashamed for myself. I'm really close to one of my cousin, who is seven years younger. She has a really bad case of scoliosis. It's not like I'd forgotten because who could forget that? I'd just gotten used to it. We've all known that she has to have surgery for it because it is so bad. Her surgery has been delayed for I think five years? Four years? I've lost track of how long and that makes me feel like a terrible cousin. First it was they didn't want to do it because children under the age of twelve don't wake up about half the time from the anaesthesia. That I agree with. That is an excellent reason. Now that she's getting old enough to get ready for the surgery, now they want her to grow some because they have to fuse the vertebrae in her back where the curvature is and add a rod and she won't grow anymore after it. So, naturally, they want her to grow another foot. The problem is her spine is starting to twist. So it's a race against time basically. Regardless of when she gets this surgery, she has to have another between 22-25 to plate the rod into her spine. That gives me at least ten years to get a nice solid career and a reason to have one that fast. I owe it to my aunt and I owe it to my cousin.
I do love a challenge.
Friday, May 9, 2014
All of Time and Space, everything that ever happened or ever will...Where do you want to start?
I'm marking this day with a new blog. This is not the day that I ultimately decided to completely switch my career path mostly because I had completely forgotten about my blog thing. Which is unfortunate as I've been very eloquent and emotive when I write my posts.
Nor is this the day that I set up my college courses to incorporate said career path.
This is the day that you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow!
Just kidding.
This is the day that I begin the big planning.
Now, I'm going to Brigham Young University (BYU) for college in the fall. It's in Provo, Utah, USA, for anyone who cares. My grandpa recently died and that was where he graduated from. I've always felt closer to him than most other people in my family and I feel like I owe it to him to graduate from there too. Carry on the family tradition of sorts. I will graduate from there unless it becomes absolute impossible for me to do so. As much as the idea of graduating from somewhere else is absolutely revolting, if it comes down to choosing between my career and graduating from BYU, I think I'll have to pick my career. Or I won't. Who knows? I haven't had to face that decision yet and I may bend on that a little bit.
But the decision I've made today that I know will alter my experiences in the world is that I'm going to study abroad at the Richmond University in London. They've got my major (sociology) and my minor (theatre arts). I don't know if I'm going to go for two years or just one. But I will be going.
Reasons why:
*DUE TO PROBLEMS, THIS POST WAS NOT POSTED UNTIL 5/9/2014*
*IT WAS ORIGINALLY MEANT TO BE POSTED 4/29/2014*
Nor is this the day that I set up my college courses to incorporate said career path.
This is the day that you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow!
Just kidding.
This is the day that I begin the big planning.
Now, I'm going to Brigham Young University (BYU) for college in the fall. It's in Provo, Utah, USA, for anyone who cares. My grandpa recently died and that was where he graduated from. I've always felt closer to him than most other people in my family and I feel like I owe it to him to graduate from there too. Carry on the family tradition of sorts. I will graduate from there unless it becomes absolute impossible for me to do so. As much as the idea of graduating from somewhere else is absolutely revolting, if it comes down to choosing between my career and graduating from BYU, I think I'll have to pick my career. Or I won't. Who knows? I haven't had to face that decision yet and I may bend on that a little bit.
But the decision I've made today that I know will alter my experiences in the world is that I'm going to study abroad at the Richmond University in London. They've got my major (sociology) and my minor (theatre arts). I don't know if I'm going to go for two years or just one. But I will be going.
Reasons why:
- If I want to be taken seriously in the UK, I'm going to need both street cred and connections. I can't do that easily from the US
- I'm going to need to learn one of the accents and have it be my default. That means a lot of exposure which I won't be able to get in a couple of weeks
- Note: I also pick up accents easily and they kind of get stuck. It won't be that I'll be trying to sound like a native, I just will. I can't help it. I listen to too much country music (my favorite genre) and I get a Southern twang
- I don't want to just be thrown in for complete culture shock. I don't think it'll be too bad, because I've lived in both rural areas and a big city that is itself a conglomeration of a bunch of different cultures. But at the same time I do want to look after myself. I'll be a stranger in a foreign land (literally) and trying to find work on top of that? No bueno.
- I need to experience something outside of what I know rather than just hear of it or see it. I need to be it.
- It'll make the process of getting into the UK permanently, or at least semi-permanently, a whole heck of a lot easier
"Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen."~Ralph Waldo Emerson
*DUE TO PROBLEMS, THIS POST WAS NOT POSTED UNTIL 5/9/2014*
*IT WAS ORIGINALLY MEANT TO BE POSTED 4/29/2014*
"Why no emotion?" "Because it hurts."
This one will be short. And it's related to the last one. Because I thought that if I couldn't be touched emotionally then I wouldn't have a problem. That's why I wanted to go into the FBI. There was no emotional risk. But it feels good to feel again and I don't want the FBI anymore. I'm sorry, but I just don't. I've watched my friends who've been in theatre the entire time at high school and they aren't aloof, they don't have the hardness that I'd been developing. Losing what I've just regained terrifies me. And even though I have no idea how to tell my parents that I want to do something so reckless and unstable as acting, I know that's what I want to do. Right now, it's because I want to feel.
"…There are a lot of people in this world who are afraid of caring, or afraid of showing that they care because it’s uncool, it’s uncool to have passion. It’s so much easier to lose when you've shown everyone you don’t care if you win or lose. It’s much harder to lose when you show that you care; but you’ll never win unless you also stand to lose. And basically, I've said it before - don’t be afraid of your passion; like, just give it free reign, and be honest, and work hard, and it’ll all turn out just fine."~Tom Hiddleston
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
We All Change, When You Think About It
That last epic speech of the Eleventh Doctor had me in hysterics on the kitchen floor. So perfect and a fitting farewell for Matt Smith. Mmmm.
Anyway, the subject of this post is change, specifically internal change. Just after I moved here (to Vegas), wanted to be an actress. The only problem with this was I was seriously one of the most shy people ever born on the face of the planet. Seriously. Like you guys don't even know. The only reason I got friends was because I was so angry over the move that it was spilling over and causing me to talk to people that I normally wouldn't have. Case in point, Maggie Sorenson. She and I met at church that first Sunday after I'd moved. It was the summertime and Maggie darling is a ginger, so naturally she doesn't tan, but sunburn. This makes it dangerous to be living here. And this particular Sunday she was a little scorched. She was complaining about the sunburn to some girl that was sitting next to her and I snapped that she shouldn't scratch it then. She, like me, doesn't particularly care for being yelled at and this began about four weeks of mutual hatred. Our moms decided that my mom would drop me off at their house in the morning before school and I would walk to school with Maggie, who is my age, and her two younger siblings. I can't tell you how much tension there was between the two of us. It continued like that until one morning I showed up and she had Phantom of the Opera playing. Here's the thing. I'm pretty sure that we would have continued this dislike of each other until I had to stop being over at her house every day because that's how we both were if it wasn't for that music, which was, at that time, my favorite musicals. We got over it remarkably quickly, bonded over the musical, best friendship ensued and so we have remained ever since.
I was shy, but my anger managed to blow through it. However, I realized that I couldn't be on stage or in front of a camera trying to be natural if I couldn't even look at people I didn't know. That would have been completely impossible and I got that. So then I went on to director so that I could still work on movies (which I've always had a fascination with). And then I realized that again, I would have to talk to people. No bueno.
I never lost that childlike curiosity. The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey brought it back and I started back up with an obsession with learning of movies. The Lord of the Rings, by the way, is one of the most interesting movies to learn about and it's easily one of my favorites. I love those quest type movies, especially on such an epic scale. Sorry, babbling.
Even then, it didn't stir up that old desire. I was going to be an FBI agent come hell or high water. But you know what? That would have made me too hard. It's ridiculously easy for me to turn cynical and bitter and that is exactly what would have happened. I would have been a great agent. But I would not have been a good person. Heck, I probably wouldn't have been human. And...I was fine with that. It's hard to make mistakes when you aren't human.
But I wasn't happy, what I'd turned into. I was aloof and abrasive and just generally unpleasant. Part of that can be chalked up to IB. I love what it's taught me. But it turned me into...not a cyborg, exactly. But close. But then Doctor Who happened. It helped me to realize that I don't want to spend my life in one place, which was a massive surprise to me. Spring Break of my senior year, I went on a trip with the musical performing arts. I let my hair down and relaxed and I can't tell you how many people told me after it that I was really cool or really funny or that it was a shame that we hadn't talked much before it. That felt good, you know? Since then, I've been actively trying to relax. I don't have to be uptight and defensive. Already, I'm happier. I smile more. And I actually feel more. It's the craziest thing. I've got more energy and while I'm not super improved (I still prefer to be on my own and holed up), I'm starting to accept me and I think that's the most important thing I could ever do in my life.
Because I have everything going for me right now and the plans to propel me farther than I ever dreamed was possible. Give me work and I will do. Gladly.
Anyway, the subject of this post is change, specifically internal change. Just after I moved here (to Vegas), wanted to be an actress. The only problem with this was I was seriously one of the most shy people ever born on the face of the planet. Seriously. Like you guys don't even know. The only reason I got friends was because I was so angry over the move that it was spilling over and causing me to talk to people that I normally wouldn't have. Case in point, Maggie Sorenson. She and I met at church that first Sunday after I'd moved. It was the summertime and Maggie darling is a ginger, so naturally she doesn't tan, but sunburn. This makes it dangerous to be living here. And this particular Sunday she was a little scorched. She was complaining about the sunburn to some girl that was sitting next to her and I snapped that she shouldn't scratch it then. She, like me, doesn't particularly care for being yelled at and this began about four weeks of mutual hatred. Our moms decided that my mom would drop me off at their house in the morning before school and I would walk to school with Maggie, who is my age, and her two younger siblings. I can't tell you how much tension there was between the two of us. It continued like that until one morning I showed up and she had Phantom of the Opera playing. Here's the thing. I'm pretty sure that we would have continued this dislike of each other until I had to stop being over at her house every day because that's how we both were if it wasn't for that music, which was, at that time, my favorite musicals. We got over it remarkably quickly, bonded over the musical, best friendship ensued and so we have remained ever since.
I was shy, but my anger managed to blow through it. However, I realized that I couldn't be on stage or in front of a camera trying to be natural if I couldn't even look at people I didn't know. That would have been completely impossible and I got that. So then I went on to director so that I could still work on movies (which I've always had a fascination with). And then I realized that again, I would have to talk to people. No bueno.
I never lost that childlike curiosity. The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey brought it back and I started back up with an obsession with learning of movies. The Lord of the Rings, by the way, is one of the most interesting movies to learn about and it's easily one of my favorites. I love those quest type movies, especially on such an epic scale. Sorry, babbling.
Even then, it didn't stir up that old desire. I was going to be an FBI agent come hell or high water. But you know what? That would have made me too hard. It's ridiculously easy for me to turn cynical and bitter and that is exactly what would have happened. I would have been a great agent. But I would not have been a good person. Heck, I probably wouldn't have been human. And...I was fine with that. It's hard to make mistakes when you aren't human.
But I wasn't happy, what I'd turned into. I was aloof and abrasive and just generally unpleasant. Part of that can be chalked up to IB. I love what it's taught me. But it turned me into...not a cyborg, exactly. But close. But then Doctor Who happened. It helped me to realize that I don't want to spend my life in one place, which was a massive surprise to me. Spring Break of my senior year, I went on a trip with the musical performing arts. I let my hair down and relaxed and I can't tell you how many people told me after it that I was really cool or really funny or that it was a shame that we hadn't talked much before it. That felt good, you know? Since then, I've been actively trying to relax. I don't have to be uptight and defensive. Already, I'm happier. I smile more. And I actually feel more. It's the craziest thing. I've got more energy and while I'm not super improved (I still prefer to be on my own and holed up), I'm starting to accept me and I think that's the most important thing I could ever do in my life.
Because I have everything going for me right now and the plans to propel me farther than I ever dreamed was possible. Give me work and I will do. Gladly.
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Home. The Long Way Round.
My task for today, because I was trying to figure out what I was going to do about actually living in London, was to look at citizenship processes. Originally I was just going to get an IRL essentially and just stay there. But then I realized that that could become complicated if I had to travel back and forth between the US and the UK too much. For business, you know. Then the thought hit me. I was planning on getting married there anyway. Still am but that's not the point. So then I thought, what if I get dual citizenship? I don't want to lose my US citizenship. The US is the land of my birth. My homeland.
I was prepared to serve her in the FBI before this decision was made. I would have made a good agent but I can't handle politics. The reason why I never wanted to be a lawyer. I'm loyal to mine but the British Isles is my ancestral homeland and I've always felt loyal to them too. Fortunately for me, other than the War of 1812 and the American Revolution, the US and her motherland have pretty much been on the same side. There have been minor disagreements because, let's face it, Americans are insane but we seem to be on good terms most of the time.
Anyway, kinda went off on a ramble there. Sorry. Back onto the subject of dual citizenship. That seems like the best option for me. According to the British law thing that I looked up, you need to be:
But...there's a catch. Written into American law is the clause thing about US citizen applying for citizenship in a foreign country. If you are automatically granted citizenship from a different country, then you're fine. But if you voluntarily apply, then yiubrun the risk of losing your US citizenship. That's something I don't want to do. So I did some further research and found out that only applies if you intend to renounce your citizenship through word or conduct. I'll have to be careful but I'm pretty sure that I can balance it so I fulfil the requirements of the UK without forfeiting my US citizenship. Which would suck royally because I'll want my children when I decide to have them to be dual citizens naturally. Which means I'll have to keep some aspect of my citizenship or give birth to them on US soil. I don't really want to fly across the ocean to give birth. Mostly because I can't believe that would be very comfortable. Also, I'm pretty sure that would endanger their lives and as my family can have trouble already, I don't want to risk it.
Of course, I could just stay an American only. But... I dunno. That's not something that appeals to me. If I'm going to be living somewhere for as long as I hope I will be there for, then I'm going to want to be a part of the place. While I'm living in Nevada, which is where I am right now, I'm a resident there. I wouldn't claim otherwise. And the state I was born is where I'm from.
I have complicated definitions. It's okay.
I was prepared to serve her in the FBI before this decision was made. I would have made a good agent but I can't handle politics. The reason why I never wanted to be a lawyer. I'm loyal to mine but the British Isles is my ancestral homeland and I've always felt loyal to them too. Fortunately for me, other than the War of 1812 and the American Revolution, the US and her motherland have pretty much been on the same side. There have been minor disagreements because, let's face it, Americans are insane but we seem to be on good terms most of the time.
Anyway, kinda went off on a ramble there. Sorry. Back onto the subject of dual citizenship. That seems like the best option for me. According to the British law thing that I looked up, you need to be:
- 18 or older
- I've got that covered now and it'll still apply in four years
- Of sound mind
- Why does everything require a sound mind? Sigh... It's my Achilles heel. It really is.
- Of good character
- This one I understand. You wouldn't want someone with criminal tendencies fleeing their country and going to yours. We probably have something like that in the American version after the fiasco with Cuba and Castro trying to ship a bunch of hardened criminals here.
- Know the English language (or apparently Welsh or Scottish Gaelic (but not Irish Gaelic which irritates me)) and pass the Living in the UK test.
- English is pretty much the only thing I can speak well. I know French. Sort of. But only writing makes any sense to me. English, I've got. And the Living in the UK test is probably something about the laws of the country and and stuff. Which makes sense because I know America does that and it would make sense to do that.
But...there's a catch. Written into American law is the clause thing about US citizen applying for citizenship in a foreign country. If you are automatically granted citizenship from a different country, then you're fine. But if you voluntarily apply, then yiubrun the risk of losing your US citizenship. That's something I don't want to do. So I did some further research and found out that only applies if you intend to renounce your citizenship through word or conduct. I'll have to be careful but I'm pretty sure that I can balance it so I fulfil the requirements of the UK without forfeiting my US citizenship. Which would suck royally because I'll want my children when I decide to have them to be dual citizens naturally. Which means I'll have to keep some aspect of my citizenship or give birth to them on US soil. I don't really want to fly across the ocean to give birth. Mostly because I can't believe that would be very comfortable. Also, I'm pretty sure that would endanger their lives and as my family can have trouble already, I don't want to risk it.
Of course, I could just stay an American only. But... I dunno. That's not something that appeals to me. If I'm going to be living somewhere for as long as I hope I will be there for, then I'm going to want to be a part of the place. While I'm living in Nevada, which is where I am right now, I'm a resident there. I wouldn't claim otherwise. And the state I was born is where I'm from.
I have complicated definitions. It's okay.
"The longest road out is the shortest road home." ~Irish Proverb
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