Dr. Grant, my dear Dr. Sattler, Welcome to Jurassic Park. (cue the tears)

The movie saga that I mentioned in my last post has come out with a poster for the newest film. Jurassic World. This is the saga that made me want to act because of those blessed dinosaurs. Normal people have nightmares about dinosaurs, if they dream about them at all. I had dreams where I had pet raptors. They were so precious. (this is where I mention that I wasn't the most normal girl, I hated dolls and barbies and I had a complete obsession with dinosaurs). That poster right there had me tearing up from excitement. It's old school and beautiful and I cannot wait to be able to see it.

I'm also going to talk about my recent experience with Jurassic Park although it's going to take some traveling back to the past. When I was four, I'd obviously already seen Jurassic Park even though my darling mother has told me for years that the first time I saw it was when I was almost six. Obviously that's not the truth because I had already started my dinosaur collection by that time and wanted to be an archaeologist, AND the ride encounter had already happened. But I'm going to let her think what she wants. Anyway, when I was four, I took my second trip to Disneyland and included was Universal Studios for my daddy. This was also the trip that scarred me for life with elevators, but that's not the point. The first year I'd gone (with my mother, her parents and my youngest aunt) I was under four foot. The height thing was 4'2". It upset me but I was able to be distracted enough that I wasn't super upset. But I remembered. So the next year, when I was a very proud 4'3", I was very excited to be able to ride this time. To the horror of my little self, they'd bumped up the height to 4'8". I cried hysterically, inconsolably even. And I wasn't able to return. So I've harbored that desire and pain for 14 years. And finally, finally, I was able to go. It was with some of the performing arts (band, orchestra, and choir) at my school and I couldn't have chosen better people to go with. One of my best friends and her boyfriend was among the number and they were the ones with whom I finally got to ride that ride. And I cried. Big, fat, rolling tears streamed silently down my face. Both Carolyn and Christian got to see a side of me that trip that very, very few people have ever seen before. I was so happy that I just cried. Until of course I saw the raptor pen that had the wires ripped apart. Then sheer excitement hit. And the rest is history.

Oh, and here are a few of my Jurassic Park themed pictures and one of the Universal City sign because that was the beginning of this emotional rollercoaster of an adventure.

This picture right here (pardon how terrible I looked, it was an emotional day and I'd hurt my back on one of the other rides, shhhhhhh) was me wanting to flip off that stupid sign that had prevented me years before but instead was pointing in victory. I had triumphed and it had only taken me 14 years to do so. So phooey on it!

Billy was right.

What is smart isn't always what's right. And what's right isn't always what's smart. Logic and emotions can't always coexist. Sometimes one must be chosen over the other. We're all trying to find our way in this world, trying to balance the two.
But what upsets the possible balance is this tricky thing called a dream. The secret dreams of the heart and mind pull at logic and emotion until up isn't up anymore. It's left or right or forwards or backwards and the only truth we know is what we can dream. Dreams throw everything out of the window and when one is achieved, another takes its place.

But even then, dreams may come from the same place as emotions but they're fundamentally different. They are the bridge to the mind and can destroy both just as easily as dreams are made. My dreams defy logic and laugh at emotion. They make no sense in either case. And I believe that they're just mad enough to be fulfilled. I don't think I was ever destined for anything other than to have crazy dreams because what I want and have always wanted since the first time I saw Jurassic Park and fell in love with dinosaurs. My original plan was to be an archaeologist because I figured it was the closest thing I could get to to seeing dinosaurs. But I understood by the age of eight or nine that that wasn't what I really wanted to do because I would never see dinosaurs in the flesh, and they didn't get paid nearly well enough. So instead of completely changing like I suppose normal children do where one day they want to be a firefighter and the next a cowboy, my line of logic was "Well, if I can't do that, then I suppose the next best thing for me to do would be to act in movies and pretend that I could." I've always wanted those different worlds, which is part of the reason why I write. There is this impossible place within me that has been enamored by different worlds. And I suppose acting is a way for me to experience a world different from my own.

The way most people I know are about music, I am about TV and movies. I could never get into being a fangirl for musicians. But when I discovered this magical thing called commentary on the Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl DVD, that was it. That cemented this fascination within me about how things are made. I want to know about the experiences actors have on set, that directors, writers, and producers have to go through to have the movie or show running smoothly. I want to know about the problems and triumphs and rewrites and delays. But it's never been enough. I've never experienced these things. I know about them. But knowing about them isn't enough. 

In Jurassic Park III, there's this beautiful quote by Dr. Grant and Eric that for the longest time had me living in denial. Because paleontologist was what I had wanted to be, I kind of forced myself to make myself believe that knowing would be enough and I would be satisfied. When I allowed myself to be honest and study my tendencies, knowing isn't enough. I'm not a paleontologist. I am not content with just being a fangirl of movies and shows. I want to experience what I am fascinated by. I'm more like Billy than I am Dr. Grant, which is why I could never be mad at him for doing what he did, because it was impulsive and brave and stupid and just the type of tendency typical in someone who wants to touch the stars, rather than simply study them. Because Billy was always right, at least to me.

Dr. Grant: I have a theory that there are two kinds of boys. There are those that want to be astronomers, and those that want to be astronauts. The astronomer, or the paleontologist, gets to study these amazing things from a place of complete safety.
Eric: But then you never get to go into space.
Dr. Grant: Exactly. That's the difference between imagining and seeing: to be able to touch them. And that's... that's all that Billy wanted.
[a field of beautiful dinosaurs comes into view]
Eric: Dr. Grant, know something Dr. Grant? Billy was right.
~Jurassic Park III

Maybe Things Work Out When They're Supposed To. Maybe It's All About Timing.

It's incredibly late for me my time so I'll make this short and sweet. I need luck on my side. There is no way I'll be able to do anything without it. Luck and divine intervention. So, I already know that I am supposed to go to London and I have a feeling I will be going to school there because of Richmond University. But I don't know when and I don't know how I'll be able to do this.
But what I do know is I feel comforted which is a completely stupid feeling to have. But it's like I'm being told not to worry, just do everything that I can and everything will work out.