It just occurred to me that I may be being too hard on myself. Shocker, I know. But really. How long have I been acting? Less than ten percent of how long I've actually been alive. I've spent more time traveling than I have acting even if we do the full year versus just time spent traveling. I was talking to my friend the other day about how stressful this is because I'm so conscious of how lacking I am with acting (at least the practice part). But that same day, I had one of the girls in my acting class tell me that I was really good, especially since I've only been acting for basically a year, properly acting anyway. And I don't think she meant it that for only acting for a year, I'm good. I think she meant it more in spite of only acting for a year. Which, yeah, not supposed to base whether or not I'm good on the opinions of other people. But I can take criticism. I learned that almost as soon as I got into kindergarten because I was (and still am) pretty weird. Praise is more helpful since I still have no idea what the crap I'm doing. But in my class, I have my TA from last semester in it and she told me that I have grown a lot as an actor since she's known me.
Which tells me that I am a fast learner. Which I knew. But I always have the reminder of how long it took me to change my serve and to learn how to slice (which I still pretty much suck at but at least I can sort of do it now) lurking in the back of my mind. So the fact that she can see a difference is a good thing. But I think it's unfair of me to judge what I've got against everyone else in my class, people who have been acting for years. Actually, people who have been acting about as long as I've been playing tennis. And you wouldn't compare someone who had been playing tennis as long as I was against someone who started playing a year ago. That's not fair.
So, yeah. Been too hard on myself. Will probably still be too hard on myself but at least I know the problem is there. Isn't that the first step to recovery? Acknowledgement that there is a problem?
In other news, I have a scene today in my class. First preview. I may or may not be memorized. Sick furbaby yesterday and last night meant not a great night sleep and some heavy duty anxiety about leaving him at home today. Well, he's always sick. Technically. But he's actually feeling under the weather right now on an unrelated note from his usual sick. Peaches, my cat, has an autoimmune disorder thing that basically means he's allergic to his teeth. So, we'll see how today goes. It already feels like today is going to be a weird day.
