Well, I did not get a callback for that audition (at least I haven't yet, still kind of holding out hope but it's the hope of something that odds are frankly terrible about happening). Which is cool. I realized where I went wrong once I got over the short little sulk I had. Learning experience. Everything is for my good. Not my time but the Lord's. Doesn't mean I'm not frustrated and having mega doubts (hello, lack of experience, how are you, my old friend?) but then I remember that I am good enough. I just have more things to learn. Learning is always good.
Submitted headshot and resume for maybe getting an audition. I really, really doubt anything will come out of that but I'm at least putting myself out there, doing things that terrify me more than I can ever explain. The anxiety has been a bit...complicating. But one day at a time is sometimes all I can do and if that's all I can do, I'll do it. High-functioning for the win.
Did some extra work on this...I don't even know what it was. I learned more about the plot from what the actors were yelling at each other than I did from the scene(s?) we did. I'm trying not to feel super pleased about the fact that I was most likely on camera a lot. Went with my friend. I got put next to one of the actual actors for the scene which booyah. But it was absolutely fascinating getting to watch the actual process be done. Sponge Brooke, absorbing the information.
I'm doing the proficiencies this semester, and trauma of my life, IF (big if) I get into both classes I want, I can only take one of them. One is from 9-11:50 and the other is from 11-11:50. See the issue? Problem is, I honestly have no idea which I'd rather take. One would be more useful in the short term but the other...I really do want to do voice acting. Just not commercial. I'm picky like that. But I have to be picky about some things. Making decisions about what I will and won't do early so that I don't have to make the decision later. Huh. That's a sentiment I often heard in church which I always kind of ignored because... well, my family doesn't have the best history with alcohol and other addictive substances. Plus there's the whole addictive personality I have. Fun stuff. It would be stupid for me to ever "partake". Anyway, it's kind of amusing that I am acting on the advice now. I doubt my youth leaders expected this to be where it gets used but whatever. I'm sure they'll take what they can get since I'm one of the only ones left of my age group that hasn't completely lost it.
My friend is getting ready to go to IMTA in July. I'm super excited for her. And I got invited to go but I'm not in the place financially for it right now. Unfortunately. Actually, that invitation does so much when the anxiety starts to flare up because that right there proves that even though I don't have near the experience, people "in the business" (or at least in the business of finding people to put in the business) think I've got a shot at being at least sort of good. Even if I'm not going right now. But I won't stay down forever. Gotta punch disbelief in the face. Can you see the half fake optimism I've got going on?
What's even more interesting is how my views have changed since becoming an actor. My friend (not the one going to IMTA) is very opinionated on a lot of subjects. But recently she's started going after the acting industry because, at least in part, it "isn't our job to look pretty". Yes, actually it is. The reason why you have predominantly gorgeous people in Hollywood (or people at the other end of the spectrum) is because of scopophilia. People like looking at attractive things and that includes other people. My point is that before, I would have agreed wholeheartedly (ignoring, of course my own issues concerning how my body looks and how really young I look [as a side note, I was mistaken for a sixteen year old again. Again.]). Now, I understand how things work and why they work the way they do. That's not to say that we actors need to bend over backwards to look perfect, but it is our job to essentially sell our image. I made the comment a couple of months ago that it was like selling our bodies and I'm still not sure I'm entirely wrong in that assessment. Our image is more likely to be bought if we look attractive.
But this whole revolution of making it seem like everyone is allowed to do and be whoever or whatever they want to be (which is rich coming from someone who is essentially lying honestly for a living, or will be lying honestly) completely forgets that average begets complacency. Breaking the status quo does NOTHING if everyone is also breaking it because then there is no status quo to break. The well runs dry so you can't steal from the well and then no one has water to drink.
And now that I've started to work myself up, Beauty and the Beast was amazing. Both Emmas didn't sound right to my ears, one because she stood out with her autotune against the rest of the amazing voices from the rest of the cast and the other because her accent got in the way. Evermore is one of my favorite songs (of anything, not just Disney) and if it is not nominated for Best Original Song, life will no longer make sense and I might as well buy a lottery ticket. Dan and Luke, I could listen to those voices any day of the week. And I've been doing nothing but listening to the soundtrack since I saw it. And I want to go see it again for some analysis because I've got some strong suspicions about the use of color. Also because Evermore is just so freaking amazing. Wow. Punch me in the face and call me a pug.
As another side note, MASS EFFECT ANDROMEDA IS AMAZING AND IT IS HOLDING THE STAR WARS OBSESSION AT BAY LIKE I KNEW IT WOULD. Also, I think I accidentally ran into a spoiler but since it was in a fanfiction, I never know what's true and what isn't. The voice acting is simply incredible. I want to do that so badly. Patience in all things. Even though patience is NOT one of my virtues.
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