We All Change, When You Think About It

That last epic speech of the Eleventh Doctor had me in hysterics on the kitchen floor. So perfect and a fitting farewell for Matt Smith. Mmmm.
Anyway, the subject of this post is change, specifically internal change. Just after I moved here (to Vegas), wanted to be an actress. The only problem with this was I was seriously one of the most shy people ever born on the face of the planet. Seriously. Like you guys don't even know. The only reason I got friends was because I was so angry over the move that it was spilling over and causing me to talk to people that I normally wouldn't have. Case in point, Maggie Sorenson. She and I met at church that first Sunday after I'd moved. It was the summertime and Maggie darling is a ginger, so naturally she doesn't tan, but sunburn. This makes it dangerous to be living here. And this particular Sunday she was a little scorched. She was complaining about the sunburn to some girl that was sitting next to her and I snapped that she shouldn't scratch it then. She, like me, doesn't particularly care for being yelled at and this began about four weeks of mutual hatred. Our moms decided that my mom would drop me off at their house in the morning before school and I would walk to school with Maggie, who is my age, and her two younger siblings. I can't tell you how much tension there was between the two of us. It continued like that until one morning I showed up and she had Phantom of the Opera playing. Here's the thing. I'm pretty sure that we would have continued this dislike of each other until I had to stop being over at her house every day because that's how we both were if it wasn't for that music, which was, at that time, my favorite musicals. We got over it remarkably quickly, bonded over the musical, best friendship ensued and so we have remained ever since.
I was shy, but my anger managed to blow through it. However, I realized that I couldn't be on stage or in front of a camera trying to be natural if I couldn't even look at people I didn't know. That would have been completely impossible and I got that. So then I went on to director so that I could still work on movies (which I've always had a fascination with). And then I realized that again, I would have to talk to people. No bueno.
I never lost that childlike curiosity. The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey brought it back and I started back up with an obsession with learning of movies. The Lord of the Rings, by the way, is one of the most interesting movies to learn about and it's easily one of my favorites. I love those quest type movies, especially on such an epic scale. Sorry, babbling.
Even then, it didn't stir up that old desire. I was going to be an FBI agent come hell or high water. But you know what? That would have made me too hard. It's ridiculously easy for me to turn cynical and bitter and that is exactly what would have happened. I would have been a great agent. But I would not have been a good person. Heck, I probably wouldn't have been human. And...I was fine with that. It's hard to make mistakes when you aren't human.
But I wasn't happy, what I'd turned into. I was aloof and abrasive and just generally unpleasant. Part of that can be chalked up to IB. I love what it's taught me. But it turned me into...not a cyborg, exactly. But close. But then Doctor Who happened. It helped me to realize that I don't want to spend my life in one place, which was a massive surprise to me. Spring Break of my senior year, I went on a trip with the musical performing arts. I let my hair down and relaxed and I can't tell you how many people told me after it that I was really cool or really funny or that it was a shame that we hadn't talked much before it. That felt good, you know? Since then, I've been actively trying to relax. I don't have to be uptight and defensive. Already, I'm happier. I smile more. And I actually feel more. It's the craziest thing. I've got more energy and while I'm not super improved (I still prefer to be on my own and holed up), I'm starting to accept me and I think that's the most important thing I could ever do in my life.
Because I have everything going for me right now and the plans to propel me farther than I ever dreamed was possible. Give me work and I will do. Gladly.